Monday, June 29, 2009

E09: Let's Call the Whole Thing Off

Alright, I get it. It's Scotland, and it's rainy... But I've had it! I've had it with waking up to grey overcast skies, and a brisk chill blowing through the never open, yet never quite shut windows. I've had it with the dreary horizon that is constantly covered in mist, destroying every photograph I take. The weather man says that there's a heat front moving in. In fact, he says that people really need to watch out, and that they should even sprinkle their bedsheets with water before they go to bed to help with the cooling process. But I know this for what it truly is. A filthy lie! Even as he says this, the weather map shows rain clouds frowning, and dropping their luxuriously liquid contents onto the fair cities of Edinburgh, Glasgow, and the rest of the country! Does he truly expect us not to see through this treachery? We should sprinkle our bedsheets with water, should we? Why not just leave the window open, and allow the rain to constantly fall upon me as I sleep? Will that help me to stave off immanent heat related dead Mr. TV Weatherman, with your graphics that don't match your words, and your smarmy haircut, your speech therapized accent, and your words, not one of which are to be believed?! Will that help?!

You know, earlier in the year me and my housemate had only a Super Nintendo and a couch in our apartment. We would play the game Top Gear 2, which is a racing game that takes you to courses all over the world. When you arrive in Scotland, there is no scrolling background, no double layer of buildings, and stereotyped imagery. There is only grey. Grey that coveres the course, the background, and all the cars in front of you. This, according to the game, is Scotland. I used to think this was just a clever way to avoid paying your art team to design another country. But now? Now I can tell you that this is an absolutely true depiction of the country! And would that piper please stop playing! And could the driver of the tour bus kindly turn down her speaker as she passes this building every hour on the hour?! And could I please have, if only for twenty three and a half minutes, some blue-freaking-sky?!

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