Thursday, December 10, 2009

Kids, Don't Try This at Home - Ball Hoop Earring Removal

Now, I know you're saying to yourself – you tried this at home, and look, it worked perfectly. And sure, it may see as if it did – but putting rusty old pliers near someone's ear and then hoping all plays out for the best? This is perhaps not the correct choice of action.

Now when Katherine received her Amplemann earrings from me, she was delighted. First piece of jewelry I'd bought her in four years. And they looked like little plastic red and green things – the red one like a Jesus cross. Success! Still, they were delightful, and well loved. But – it would mean she's have to remove the two hoop and ball earrings that were put in before I even knew her.

I checked the internet, and it said this was probably the right way to go about doing things. I mean it also said it was probably best to have a professional take them out, but I figured with my old rusty pliers I found in the tool shed that came with the house, I was professional enough. Get over here, and let me try experimenting!

Look – in the end it worked out. I don't show the video with the previous trials, or the other instruments used. But in the end it worked out, and that's what it was really all about.

Now with that done, it was time for Katherine to pack her bags and get a move on. Her plane wouldn't wait forever.

So off we went to Fort Myers airport. I just had one quick detour to make first. Edison Mall.

And why? Why did I need to stop here? Well – it had a Hot Topic. Look, I can admit it. I like the clothes that they have their. It's trendy. It's geekwear. It's brilliant. And as a Canadian, everyone isn't wearing it, because it's not as easy to obtain up north. I was out to buy a hoodie.

Sure I had me (hail) Traill (the college on the hill!) hoodie, but I wanted another one. I wanted one that showed some of my personality. All my clothes were generic, and while I'd tried to change that with my toque and my sweet fullback cap, I still had a ways to go.

I wanted the Marvel Secret Invasion hoodie they had a year ago. But – sadly – all their old stock was gone, replaced by Twilight merch. Seriously? Twilight? All of it? There was a World of Warcraft hoodie – but I don't play that game, and it was too busy anyway. The hoodie. Not the store. The store was deserted.

There was an old Link t-shirt but it was in an unfitting size, and thus I left Hot Topic defeated. Well – not totally, Katherine bought me a sweet canteen sporting Charlie, pink, and blue on their quest to Candy Mountain. “Candy mountain! Candy mountain! You fill me with Sweet sugary goodness!”

But still, I needed a hoodie. Where was I to get such a thing? Well – why not try Macy's. You never know. Sure I've avoided this store for years, but, hey – why not. And there, right inside, was just what I was looking for. No – not a marvel hoodie. Something better. A Boba Fett hoodie that would allow me to become him, zipping the hood up over my face in that terrifying “I'm going to murder, then rob you,” sort of fashion. Yes. And at fifty percent off, what a bar-goon!

So now that I could clad myself in Mandalorian armour whenever the need should arise, I was ready to leave the mall behind me. Yes, I would be the coolest kid ever to walk the Antarctic shores.

At the airport we discovered there was still some time left. A delicious meal was had at Chili's, which I'm sure they spat in, as we asked it to be rushed – the plane wouldn't wait forever, as previously noted. They seemed quite put off by this. Look, I don't know, but you work inside the airport. You gotta think people ask for this all the time. Apparently not.

Then final goodbyes were said in front of the poinsettia tree, cone, pile thing – and I watched as she made her way through security, down the ramp, and around the corner.

I drove back home alone.

Four hours later I would talk to her on the phone – but still, it was not the same. And the next time I saw her wouldn't be for three more months, provided all goes according to plan.

At home I watched television, did some typing, and otherwise mismanaged my time. I would have two days left in Florida, and I had so much more to plan.

On the plus side – I did get to see a most “delightful” Florida Christmas set up. Man, with no ice, snow, or second storey to worry about they certainly go all out, don't they? Twenty five Santa's. That's how many there were here. Twenty Five. Yeah – I counted them all.


  1. I have to be honest: I thought that earing removal video was going to end in misery. Mostly for Katherine. I'm glad you're both alive and relatively unharmed. And to think that you did that in a country with no health care - that could have cost you a pretty (american) penny had that gone wrong.

    Good times. Jo.

  2. It's called travel insurance - I hope you and Katherine both haz it!

    In any case, good to see you two kids living it up in the Flo-rida. Wasn't it just yesterday that the three of us moseyed on over to the now shuttered Diesel Playhouse for an evening of improvised comedic fun? Good times, indeed.

  3. I also wanted to say thank you for pushing that terrible Jonas Brothers video way, way, down the page with three long consecutive posts. Now if only you could keep updating until it fell off the main page altogether...


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